Feel Things
If you keep waiting for something to happen to be happy, you’ll be waiting forever.
Croton-on-Hudson, New York 2018
Why is it our natural instinct to look outside of ourselves for satisfaction and contentment?
We come up with all kinds of scenarios like, “When this happens I can finally relax,” or, “I’m only stressed out right now because of this thing, and as soon as this other thing goes through, I’ll be back to my happy-go-lucky self.”
But the truth is, this and this thing will continue to morph into other this’s and different this thing’s over and over again because your feelings of discontentment actually have very little to do with what you’re pointing the finger of blame at.
Ever heard the saying, “When you point one finger, there’s 3 pointing back at you?”
It’s a lot easier to blame someone or something else for how we’re feeling rather than take responsibility for it ourselves.
It’s easier because then we don’t have to take the time and exert the energy required to examine what the root of the issue we’re having is, which can then sometimes lead to us needing to make major changes in our comfortably cushioned lives.
Maybe we foresee the inevitable outcome of these changes will be a serious upheaval that will not only push us outside of our comfort zone but will force us to once again come face-to-face with the part of us that’s scared to see the truth and afraid to learn it’s meaning.
So we project.
We take what we’re feeling inside and we put it outside of ourselves and shake our finger at it and yell at it.
“If only you weren’t here,” or, “Why are you doing this to me?”
Making it wrong or bad, like scolding a naughty child.
Fact is, that feeling you’re pushing away isn’t wrong or bad, it’s completely natural, as all human emotions are.
And that naughty little child you’re scolding?
Yeah, that’s you.
WHEN WE FEEL ANGER OR FRUSTRATION OR ANXIETY, ALL OF THESE NATURAL HUMAN EMOTIONS ARE POINTING TOWARDS SOMETHING DEEPER THAT’S BEEN DISRUPTED INSIDE OF US.
The emotion is the result of something within being triggered.
Something that’s not been resolved.
Something that’s wanting to be seen and acknowledged.
A part of you or your past, a memory, begging to be held.
Ask yourself, would you deny a small and innocent child love, acceptance, or forgiveness?
This is how we should approach ourselves when taking the child-like hand of our emotion that’s reaching out to us, inviting us to take a walk inside.
Sweet release, held by the anchor point of stillness and serenity.
Around the time of my spiritual awakening, I was experimenting with different practices to “heal my life,” as it were.
One of those practices was called digging.
It was a sort of excavation of traumatic experiences of my past, followed by a thorough investigation of my findings.
A process that was extremely exhausting and oftentimes left me confused, upset all over again.
I would emotionally upchuck all of this unprocessed sadness and grief, basically reliving the experiences, and then I would tell myself that I had done important work.
Now please don’t misunderstand me, I’m a huge advocate for feeling what wants to be felt.
That, I believe, is incredibly important work.
But what I did was turn it into a psychological trying-to-figure-it-all-out thing rather than just feeling the emotion all the way through without attaching any kind of story or judgement to it (which is the most common subconscious approach, at least initially.)
What I mean by this is that we have this natural tendency to make choices we’ve made in our past bad or wrong — these are unfair judgments towards ourselves, we’re creating a story in our mind and believing it as truth.
So while it can definitely be helpful to revisit past experiences for the sake of resolving unprocessed emotions, it’s not always necessary to do so.
As we mature in our spirituality, we become more receptive to the subtle expressions of unprocessed emotions from our past that show up as triggered emotions in a moment, and all we need to do is take the time to feel them.
No shovel needed.
And so we continue to learn how to trust our inner wisdom and guidance.
We know when there’s something lurking beneath the surface, influencing the way that we’re handling and responding to life’s challenges.
It’s simply a matter of being honest with ourselves about what’s really going on.
In this case, it’s important to examine the factors that are creating the state of discontent.
And while doing this, making sure to take full responsibility for whatever each of those factors is — exploring ways that you can adjust your attitude towards life, as well as deciding to make more conscious and empowering choices in your every day that will support you.
Maybe you decide that during this time of reflection, you eat better foods and create more time in your schedule to spend more time alone in contemplation.
Or if you have an extra hour or 2 in the morning before work, cozy up with some tea and do some journaling or take a walk outside and breathe in the fresh air to help clear your mind.
Set aside some time just for you to be with what you’re feeling.
Only in this kind of intentional space is there enough room for what’s wanting to show itself to you, to be revealed.
IT DOESN’T ALWAYS MATTER THE REASON WHY YOU FEEL WHAT YOU’RE FEELING. SOMETIMES AN EMOTION IS RISING UP FROM WITHIN YOU AND ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS FEEL IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH.
On the other hand, sometimes all that’s being asked of us in a moment is to feel what’s wanting to be felt.
For example, if you find that every morning for the last week you’ve woken up feeling unsettled and anxious for no apparent reason, it may seem the easier path to just pop some ashwagandha and lemon balm capsules to help calm the nervous system enough so you can get to work and do what you need to do because there’s just not enough time to sit in quiet reflection for a few minutes.
So temporarily, like for that day, you feel a little better until the next morning when you wake up and you’re right back where you started.
You could just keep taking the herbs and hope that whatever it is will eventually pass.
Or, today, this morning, you can sit and just be with yourself.
No distractions.
No phone or laptop or calming music.
Just silence, and an open heart.
Ready to receive whatever wants to show up.
A commitment to sticking it out no matter how uncomfortable it may get to feel whatever you’ve been avoiding feeling.
If the tears come, let ‘em roll.
Who cares if it messes up your makeup.
Don’t stuff it back down.
Now is the only time that’s real, so be here now.
Your true nature.
HAPPINESS ARISES FROM WITHIN WHEN WE JOYFULLY PARTICIPATE IN ALL THE UPS AND DOWNS OF OUR LIVES.
JOY IS AFTER ALL OUR NATURAL STATE OF BEING.
We just forget because, well, life gets hard and it’s difficult to not get caught up in it all sometimes.
So many stories, so many (justifiable, to us) reasons why we’ve become the way we are.
But it’s important to remember that anytime we’re feeling off or not our best selves, that it’s okay.
There’s an ebb and flow to life on earth.
If we resist the gift each moment offers, we create tension and dis-ease in our lives.
If we loosen up enough to flow with the way life moves us and allow it to take us where it wants to take us, the possibilities of our lives become limitless.
With love,
Rachel
JOURNAL PROMPTS
When you feel a way, do you give it some room to make itself completely known to you, or do you push it away?
How do you respond to your inner child as she tugs at your coattail?