Ditch Your Bubble and Grow
Do you really want to feel comfortable all the time? Unchallenged?
Hiding out in your safety bubble where you always just stick with what you know is a sure way to not experience life to its fullest potential.
Floating down the River Nile on a houseboat, Egypt 2015
We trick ourselves into believing that we want to feel settled all the time.
Like feeling that way would be the answer to all of our questions of self-doubt and uncomfortable self-awareness or social anxiety.
We look to the future, like one day I’ll feel comfortable in my own skin and 100% sure of myself and all will be well.
And then in the meantime, I’ll just get myself through the best I can, because one day I’ll just have it all figured out.
One day, sometime in the future, whenever that is.
Ask yourself, is it really true that one day everything will just be perfect?
You may be surprised to find that it’s not and more so, that that’s not what you really want after all.
Because every time you’re faced with something difficult, you’re invited to take a deeper look at yourself.
Your values, your beliefs.
What’s working, what’s not.
How you’re really feeling about things.
Who you’re becoming and how you’re transforming within your life.
Discovering ways that you can be even more genuinely and authentically you.
Who you really are underneath all the layers you’ve acquired over the years.
WITHOUT ADVERSITY, WE DON’T GROW.
IT’S WHEN YOU’RE FACED WITH TOUGH SITUATIONS THAT YOU’RE OFFERED AN OPPORTUNITY TO EITHER CONFORM TO OLD PATTERNS SO THAT IN THE MOMENT YOU CAN FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE, OR BE AUTHENTICALLY + UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU AND CONSCIOUSLY RECODE YOUR PATH MOVING FORWARD.
Not long ago, I reconnected with a friend from my party days whom I had kept in touch with over the years but hadn’t seen in a while.
While I had found myself in a stable position for quite some time where I felt content just hanging out and catching up without any kind of atmosphere or ‘party favors’, she wasn’t in the same space.
She was well aware of my transition into a more conscious lifestyle but because she herself hadn’t made the switch there seemed to be this disconnect in our communication and how we related to each other.
Conversation didn’t flow as easily as it had in the past, we had really different views and perspectives on life.
It was really hard. I’d known her for so long, there was so much history there.
But there we were, me a stripped-down version of myself without the need for substances to enjoy myself, and her almost exactly the same as when we were BFF’s all those years ago.
During our brief time together she kept insisting that we go hang out at this bar we used to frequent, even though I had made it clear many times that I wasn’t really interested in going out and being around a bunch of people drinking and using.
I found myself walking on eggshells just to avoid any awkward or confrontational situations.
Part of me even felt like I was being lame, or a prude!
But what felt the worst of all was that I wasn’t being heard and it was frustrating and confusing.
One night after we parted for the evening, I broke down crying in the privacy of my room.
I thought about how much easier it would be to not stand up for myself and just for those few days be a bit more like the old me.
It was heartbreaking to think that maybe she didn’t really love me for me, but instead only wanted to spend time with party-girl up-for-anything-anytime Rachel.
I really had to take a look at what I was being faced with.
As hard as it was, and as awkward as I knew it would probably be, I had to stay true to myself and that meant standing my ground…but in a gentle, non-confrontational way.
I met her with acceptance and unconditional love, but with a firm grasp on what I was and wasn’t willing to participate in.
I did the best I could.
There were definitely moments that felt strange, I’m sure she felt it too.
We were recalibrating our relationship, redefining our friendship.
It’ll never be the same between us as it once was, I’ve had to accept that and I’m sure it’s been the same for her.
I left from our time together feeling really proud of myself.
I was proud of myself for not giving in, and taking the easy road.
I learned a lot about myself and how far I’ve come.
It’s easy to forget how far we’ve come, all the little and big triumphs along the way.
This experience was an important reminder for me that I have in fact grown more than I had realized into the woman that I know I really am underneath it all.
THE UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS STILL HAPPEN FROM TIME TO TIME, BUT THE WAY YOU RESPOND TO THEM TRANSFORMS FROM JUDGMENT INTO DISCERNMENT AND ACCEPTANCE.
It’s not always easy to stick it out through difficult situations such as these.
It can be painful, uncomfortable, awkward, confusing.
Especially as women, we’ve been conditioned to people please and make others feel more comfortable in our presence, even at our own expense sometimes.
It’s common to become super self-aware and feel like there’s something wrong with you for feeling the way you do.
That way where you’re feeling some kind of disconnect and it seems like you’re the only one noticing it or being affected by it.
But it’s been my experience that it gets less and less difficult with practice.
I mean, the more situations I find myself feeling awkward or alienated in, the more I feel called to step back, create more space, find more acceptance and love for myself even amidst the seeming distance, inability to connect, or miscommunication between myself and people I may be interacting with.
You start caring less about what others think of you, the more settled you get into your authentic self.
Your authentic self that recognizes the divinity and perfection that is each moment.
The uncomfortable situations still happen from time to time, but the way you respond to them transforms from judgment into discernment and acceptance.
You find more understanding for yourself.
More forgiveness, patience, and kindness towards yourself.
More compassion and understanding for others.
It gets easier.
It feels more natural because compassion and understanding are your true nature.
So for now, as unconventional as it may sound, let’s welcome more uncomfortable silences and awkward situations.
I invite you to take the plunge and rest in the beautiful, challenging, discomfort of life.
Because in opening up to these types of experiences we’re opening ourselves up to receive deeper understanding and compassion.
Letting just a little bit more humanity peek through.
Releasing unrealistic expectations of the ideal and complete togetherness all the time and making room for some good old-fashioned real-life goodness in all of its messiness and glory.
With love,
Rachel
JOURNAL PROMPTS
How would you describe your relationship with life?
Do you view your experiences as happening to you, or for you?
In what ways do you contemplate the nature of your experiences in your everyday life?