A Beautyfull Life
I know this life is beautiful. I know it’s beautiful because I’m alive. I can see, and smell, and I can touch and taste and hear…and feel. Man, can I feel.
The fact that I’m here at all, living out this life of mine, is intensely beautiful. It’s a felt sense in the deepest and most true essence of what I am. Like I’ve been given this unique opportunity, this special gift that never stops giving.
LIFE. PERPETUALLY REBIRTHING IN AND OUTSIDE OF THIS BODY.
Watching the cycling of seasons like the turning of a wheel. Observing how time seems to age this body, and remodel this world I live in. I continue accumulating these experiences and seeming to change, and yet there always exists this sameness, this sort of is-ness, this inherent beauty, that’s sensed and woven into literally every single moment and every single thing. This beauty that is a connectedness of all experience. A paradoxical beauty, where the light and the dark seem to dance and play and compliment one another.
A beauty that isn’t always obvious, but is no less present simply because one may be blind to it at first. And this initial blindness, so to speak, isn’t without purpose. This I know for certain. For I wouldn’t be sitting here, pouring my heart onto the page in this way, had I not broken down just prior because I felt so stuck and lost…again. The breakdown was the opening, the invitation for me to show up for myself, and for you too, and vulnerably share all of the ways beauty reveals itself to me. All of the costumes she wears and roles she plays, always teaching, always guiding. Guiding us home, guiding us back to love. Love for ourselves, and love for all that is.
YOU SEE, I’VE DISCOVERED THAT IT’S THE CONTRAST, THE ABILITY ONE HAS TO COMPARE THE STATES OF JOY AND SADNESS, LOVE AND LOSS, FEELING FOUND AND AT PEACE AND THEN FEELING COMPLETELY LOST AND IN THE DARK…IT’S IN KNOWING THESE TWO STATES INTIMATELY THAT ONE CAN EXPERIENCE LIFE IN ITS FULLNESS, ITS ENTIRETY. ITS FULL SPECTRUM. AND THAT THIS EXPERIENCE OF CONTRAST IS WHAT ALLOWS US THE FULLY APPRECIATE ALL OF THE BEAUTY EVER-PRESENT.
And I know this life is beautiful because I’ve wanted to not be alive. No, I’m not suicidal, nor have I ever been. But I have felt such cutting pain to the point that I didn’t want to be here anymore. Suffering that felt so unbearable that I just wanted to give up and that’s exactly what I did most of my life. I would give up by running away when life got hard. I’d run away by leaving a relationship. I’d run away by leaving the state or country. I’d run away by feeding the demons that ran amuck in the shadowy corners of my mind, escaping in drugs and alcohol and sex. At the time it just felt easier to live that way.
I find this life to be so beautiful because when I hear a touching or sad song, that breaks my heart open and makes me cry to just to experience the expression of it, I feel alive. That a person can take an experience that caused them much suffering, and in expressing that suffering creatively are not only able to find solace for themselves but also offer that same safe place for their listener to retreat to. And as I listen, I can feel everything they’re feeling. And suddenly, neither of us feel alone anymore. And we can experience a sense of relief, a release. It frees us, and it connects us, and to connect is to experience beauty.
And those tears of sadness are born from the same place where tears of joy are made. And I revel at any opportunity I get to cleanse my spirit by way of water. Swimming in the ocean of human emotion. Curious about who or what will show up and where they’ll transport me to next on this evolutionary voyage. Within and without.
We see what we want to see. And though I struggle still and have a tendency to be quite human, what sees through these eyes absolutely marvels at this beautiful life. This life so full of beauty because there exists that contrast of light and dark, where it’s possible to illuminate what exists in the shadows and where we have the power of choice and perception. Because how we view the world is how we feel about ourselves. In this moment, even if you don’t see how beautiful you are, there are infinite wells of hope for you because I’m guessing, if you’ve found your way here to Observing Magenta, that you see the world as a beautiful place. With all of its disaster, and issues, and seeming imperfections that actually it’s the definition of perfection. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And as God as my witness, as I witness life through the unconditionally loving eyes of God, beauty is all that I see.
With so much love,
Rachel
JOURNAL PROMPTS
What hardships have you moved through in your life, and how has moving through those challenges shaped you into who are today?
Have they made you stronger?
More understanding?
Have you discovered a deeper sense of empathy and compassion for yourself and others?